i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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