two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
