If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just pee around me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I want a musical about memes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
