hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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