I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
