It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
