I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
