Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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