Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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