We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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