You really coming over, don't trick.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
