I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
