you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize