so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
