dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
