he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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