My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
