i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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