i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize