The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
