She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're so committed to being not committed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
