WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
