Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
