'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
