On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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