Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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