if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
