I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
