i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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