ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sober January is a disaster.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
