and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize