I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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