So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
