watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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