And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
