I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
