The maid of honor just puked.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
