One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
