so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
