i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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