She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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