That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need a beard to bite.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
