We won't sleep together?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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