More tranny stories later!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
