$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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