i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
