I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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