when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
