Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
