i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
