In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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