..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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