last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
