After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
