Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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