I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
