dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
