I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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