Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude i'm inner monologue high
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
