how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
