We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
