I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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