Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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