i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
