mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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